No Fear

I sought the LORD, and He answered me;

He delivered me from all my fears.

Psalm 34:4

     For most of my life, I lived in utter fear. My youth was shadowed with all kinds of different phobias, from storms to diseases of various kinds. I was even afraid of being afraid because I’d heard of someone who had developed a stomach ulcer and died in surgery, but by far the most pervasive and dreadful fear I experienced was that of Hell. In fact, if it weren’t for that fear, all of the others wouldn’t have held any weight, because most of my fears were tied to death and what I believed would happen to me afterwards.

     When I was twelve, I was baptized, and a lot of my heart was directed at impressing a girl and avoiding embarrassment when the young boys of the congregation learned how to baptize people and I would otherwise feel like I had to sit out of the exercise. I did believe in Jesus to a certain extent. At least I believed that He had come and died for the sins of the world, but I didn’t really understand what that actually meant for me. I got baptized mostly because I wanted to stay out of Hell, not because I believed in Jesus. Most of the phobias fell away after that. And I lived in peace for a short time until Satan came and stole it away.

     I gave into various temptations that Satan threw at me. Satan’s good at what he does. He’s been at it for a very long time! The sins that I committed left me feeling guilty and absolutely unforgiven. Throughout my teenage years and even into my twenties and thirties, a fear gripped me that no amount of praying or attempts of repentance could get rid of. I believed that I had gone too far to ever be forgiven, and after I died, I was guaranteed a place in the lake of fire, “where the worm dieth not.”. Satan had convinced me that I was little more than a worm and that I deserved to go to Hell and be there forever, but God wasn’t through with me yet.

          I cried out to God in my thirties and started to see God working in my life. I noticed prayers being answered, so I started praying for specific things like, “if there’s someone in this store who needs something I can give, lead me to them,” and to my surprise, I would have these “chance” encounters with people who needed help or encouragement or truth. I began getting the sense that if God wanted me in Hell, He sure was showing it in a funny way.

     All of this led to me getting baptized again and believing in the operation of God (Colossians 2:12) and Jesus’ atoning sacrifice (1 John 2:2) to save me THROUGH baptism, not just an act to have all my bases covered to keep myself out of Hell. I’ve been delivered from all of my fears at this point. I can truly say that I look forward to the coming of Jesus instead of fearing it. God continues to guide me through so much, and I’ve never been better! Praise God!